… Each sporting the t-shirts of their favorite players: a David Wright shirt for the Mets fan, an Alex Rodriguez shirt for the Yanks fan and a smelly, bong water stained Tim Lincecum shirt for the Giants fan.
Mets fan: Dude, when is the last time you washed your shirt?
Giants fan: An hour ago (giggles).
Yankees fan: You can enjoy your World Series ring but if the Yankees didn’t lose to Texas, we woulda swept you.
Giants fan: What makes you say that?
Yankees fan: Because we have 27 rings.
Giants fan: And that means…
Yankees fan: We’re automatically more awesome than everyone in the league.
Mets fan: That’s nice. I tell you, this is definitely the year the Mets win the division, knocking off those Filthydelphia Filthies.
Giants fan: Hehehe you said Filthy…
Yankees fan: Yea, like your shirt, you hippie lover.
Mets fan: Why are you such a snob?
Yankees fan: Because we are the greatest fan base in the world and A-Rod is the greatest player in the world. Don’t you know that many Yankees fans have paintings of themselves as centaurs? I betcha I can get any girl in here to hand-feed me popcorn and hold my Michelob Ultra to my lips… Hey sweetie, feed me popcorn!
Female Phillies fan: Drop dead.
Yankees fan: See that, guys? She totally wanted me.
Mets fan: Right, like Derek Jeter wanted A-Rod…
Yankees fan: Mmmmm Jeter….
Giants fan: Hehehehehe.
Mets fan: Seriously? What is so funny?
Giants fan: You like the Mets hehehe.
Mets fan: Pot smoking hippie…
Giants fan: What’s wrong with pot? Timmy Lincecum smokes pot and he’s a two-time Cy Young award winner, World Champion and oh his hair is super gorgeous.
Yankees fan: God you San Fran people are creepy.
Bartender: Alright guys, what can I get you?
Mets fan: Yuengling.
Yankees fan: Another Mich Ultra for me.
Giants fan: Water.
Bartender: Why water?
Giants fan: Cotton mouth.
Bartender: Coming right up. So guys, who do you think will win the World Series this year?
Yankees fan: Isn’t it obvious? 28 baby!
Giants fan: I think we have a good chance. Timmy will bring us back there. Oh and his hair is gorgeous…
Mets fan: The Phillies.
The Yankees and Giants fans turn to each other, obviously puzzled.
Yankees fan: I thought earlier you said…
Mets fan: Yea I was trying to act tough. Deep down inside I really am just jealous of the Phillies and my hatred towards them means I’m a coward who can’t admit that they are just so much more awesome than my Amazing Mets.
The Mets fan drops his head on the bar and starts crying.
Yankees fan: That’s just sad.
Giants fan: Hehehehe.
Mets fan: Oh what now?
Giants fan: You’re sad.
Bartender: Here you go guys. What the hell is his problem?
Yankees fan: He just realized baseball season is only two months away and the Mets are already in September form.
Bartender: Hey buddy…
Mets fan picks his head up
Bartender: Cheer up. It’s okay. Just thank your lucky stars you’re not an Islanders fan too.
The Mets fan sobs even harder.
Bartender: Ah well. Go Phillies!